Losing a pregnancy is misunderstood by most people as being a cause for grief. But it is absolutely devastating, requiring counselling and therapy to restore the mother’s emotional state again after the loss of her pregnancy.
The reason a woman can grieve so deeply after the loss of her pregnancty is because she becomes attached to her child immediately; feeling waves of deep love and happiness toward this being inside her. And when she looses that it can take a very long time to function emotionally, like she used to. Because the child is unseen by others, her grief is often played down and not understood by many people. This is a problem in our culture and there needs to be more awareness about it, since it happens as much as the common cold.
It is impossible for me, or anyone, to tell you how it may feel to have a miscarriage. Some couples feel that they should “bounce back” and become pregnant again right away. Many others feel that they must have done something wrong, or that there is something physically wrong with them that caused the loss. Others still may feel that they are being punished. Grief, anger, sadness, depression, denial and even rage are all possible after such a tragedy.
It is first important to understand the cause of the miscarriage. In miscarriages before 12 weeks, the cause is almost always due to a deformity or other problem with the fetus. Your body recognizes that the baby likely will not survive. In these cases, there is absolutely nothing that the parents could have done differently. Though it is hard at the time because getting pregnant in the first place is a miracle; it is a complex process of cells meeting, dividing and reproducing to form a perfect human being. However, the process does not always go as planned.
Miscarriages between 12 and 20 weeks are called “late miscarriages”. You may have already seen the baby in an ultrasound and might have even felt them move. Late miscarriages are usually caused by a problem with the mother or the placenta, such as placenta previa or an incompetent cervix that will not stay closed.
Since miscarriages are relatively common, your doctor may not investigate the cause of a single miscarriage. Often, waiting and trying again later will result in a successful pregnancy. If you have experienced three consecutive miscarriages, your doctor may perform tests to try to determine an underlying cause. In some cases, such as with the incompetent cervix we just discussed, the problem can be remedied with medical help.
If and when you decide to try to conceive again is a personal choice that you and your spouse must make together. There are two healing processes that must happen first; emotional and physical healing. To lose a pregnancy is to lose a child. Grief counselling will help you to deal with the tragic loss and feelings of guilt, anger or confusion you might be experiencing.
To heal physically, you must acknowledge the trauma that your body has been through and work to get yourself back to top shape before trying to conceive again. Every pregnancy takes a toll on your body and your uterus in particular. It is important to exercise and eat well, giving your body at least three months to recover. Your vitamin and mineral levels may have been diminished as your body worked to support the previous pregnancy, so getting them back to normal will help to support the new baby.
Most importantly, listen to your heart and your body. Only you will know when you are healthy and confident enough to try again. Others may mean well with their advice, but you must take the time you need to deal with your loss in your own way.
For more information on keeping excellent health for your and your baby just go to www.amazingpregnancysecrets.com
By Sally Aubrey
